Public Notices

In accordance with United Nations directive S77.375, we would like to inform our readers of the following:

  • Mrs. Henrietta Grayson has rescheduled the wedding of her daughter Elizabeth and [Groom to be determined] to 5 PM this Sunday.  Refreshments will be served in the northwest corner of the Costco parking lot after the ceremony.  All alien overlords are of course welcome to attend.  It is customary in human culture to bring a gift.  It is even more customary not to vaporize the bridegroom until after the vows.
  • The Committee to Reinstate the President has released its minutes from the last meeting.  The minutes and the membership roster can be accessed on the public website,
  • The local community college has expanded its engineering program.  Those with any measure of skill in mechanics, electronics, rocket building, and ray-gun repair are encouraged to apply.  As per United Nations directed S77.376, those who are accepted to the community college and do not qualify for financial aid will be bound to a term of service of ‘one day less than 7 lifetimes’.  All tuition increases will be announced at the end of rolling admissions.
  • Our editors would like to extend their congratulations to this year’s graduating class.  We apologize that we cannot provide a list of names, ages, addresses, and approximate physical descriptions at this time, the data is still being gathered from parents, legal guardians, and social workers.  The editors would like to remind our readers how it is customary in human culture to for recent graduates to run away.  Far, far away.  Farther away than they have ever run before.
  • Very far.
  • The Committee to Reinstate the President is in need for a new Committee Chair, Committee Co-Chair, Treasurer, Secretary, and supporting members.  Applications can be downloaded from  Username: I CAN SEE Password: TRAITORS FROM MY HOUSE

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