- No, I don’t think those ray-guns make your tentacles look big.
- If I had wanted to settle down, I would’ve married the first fiance, or the second, or the third. Geez mom, how many grooms do you want me to go through before you realize that grandchildren just aren’t in the cards for you?
- In a grocery store somewhere in the South Female Customer: And two cartons of cigarettes, please–your cheapest. (places assorted cans of miller lite, sunglasses, and 12 pack of Charmin toilet paper on counter) Saleswoman: That would be $75. Cash or charge? Customer: No that’s okay. Saleswoman: So you don’t want them? Customer: No, I do (proceeds to remove tags, put items in purse) Saleswoman: Ma’am, you still need to pay. Customer: Haven’t you heard? The world is ending. Saleswoman: … You still need to pay. We accept cash or charge. Customer: But it’s the apocalypse. Saleswoman: … And your total is $75. Or I can call security? (draws gun from beneath counter). I’m sure they won’t mind one more body removal. Customer: … Not even a discount?
- Anybody seen Will Smith?