We are two human females seeking a neat, non-smoking, human for the third bunk in our doomsday bunker. Males welcome to apply, but please understand that we will not be interested in “repopulating the planet” with you. Ever.
Rent: 1 gallon gasoline & 1 lb consumable foodstuffs / month
Utilities: none (not “none included” – there just aren’t any utilities)
Features: smoothish concrete floors and walls, all steel tables, chairs, and plates, and THREE bare light bulbs create that stark, post-apocalyptic feel you’ve been looking for! Bunks are almost 5 FEET LONG!! If you would like a tour of our luxurious bunker, wait by ruins of the Styrofoam Jesus, blindfolded, at 12:35am any Wednesday in months containing the letter r. We look forward to meeting you!
after ever after 
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