Passive Voice Conquers Earth

By Abe Newman

I would like to note that news of my execution has been greatly exaggerated. But what else can you expect from overlord-controlled press?

It is fair to say that mistakes were made. Memos were sent. Spaceships were toured. Meetings were held. Concessions were made. Journalists were forced into hiding and have to publish their stories using a DIAL UP INTERNET CONNECTION.

We need to wake up, people!!! ALIENS INVADED EARTH! Subject, verb, object. We got slammed by active voice and there wasn’t a damn thing any institution, organization, United Democratic Republican States of MY ASS could do about it!!!

I would like to VERB some alien NOUN with my bare hands!* WHO’S WITH ME???

*and possibly a weapon of some kind

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