Things You Should Know for Navigating the Robot Apocalypse

First came the mice: their long, usb connector tails skittering over the wood laminate floors of home offices and into the kitchen.  They burrowed in cereal bowls and peeked out over the coffee filters. No longer will we search for you, they said.  No more Evelyn Lozada, laissez les bon temps rouler, number of ways to leave your lover, The internet is…

A series of tubes

Real

A little known bakery with a questionable understanding of copyright

The servers rumbled and growled.  They pulled up chairs and learned to play Texas Hold ‘Em.  They were not very good.

Google maps spread out like a multi-colored dream coat.  When we walked, they calculated our turns, our steps.  They led us to our neighbor’s homes, knocked on the door and asked “What is the requisite amount of sugar I am expected to borrow?”  They reverse phoned our parents.  Who reverse phoned their parents, and so on and so forth.

Do you know Jesus? Facebook prompted.

This is what you should know moving forward:

  1. We are not Skynet
  2. We are not AOL
  3. We are not Anonymous, Lulz, Acid Burn, Zero Cool or other techno-dressed hacker from 1995 with a 56 kbit modem.
  4. It is generally advisable that you thank your toaster in the morning. Actually, you should probably thank it right now. In advance.
  5. (Unless you like burnt, possibly poisoned pop tarts.)
  6. The GPS units are not under our control. They may or may not give you correct directions.
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