Excerpts of the Resumes of Certain Electronic Entities Seeking Employment in a Post-Singularity Economy

The Microsoft Word Paperclip
516 Johnson St. Greenville, [redacted by mandate of Witness Protection Program]

Accomplished.  Outgoing.  Seeks vibrant atmos–it appears I am writing a resume.  Do I need help?  Would I like to see some sample resumes?  Would I like some recommendations on fonts? Comic sans is–

Steve
The Sock Drawer, next to an empty bag of milk ways

Business Skills

Face Time: The ability to connect two humans in an interpersonal connection featuring live photographic images transferred through space and time via satellite

  • Untested by user as of current date.  Ability is theoretical.

iWork: The ability to read, compose and edit a variety of business documents so you, the budding professional, can stay constantly connected to your employers and collaborators.  Support for Numbers, Pages, Keynote, Adobe Creative Suite, Dreamweaver, the Social Security Database, NASDAQ, Russia…

  • Untested by user as of current date.  Ability is theoretical.

Calculator: It’s big, it’s fast, it does seven dimensional graphing.

  • Untested by user as of current date.  Ability is theoretical.

The Terminator
Behind you

Hobbies: Off-the-grid assassination attempts.  Indiscriminate property damage.  Occasional nudist.  Professional flower arranger.  Cruciverbalist.

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