7 Headlines and 1 Excerpt from the 4:11 Newspaper

  • Hugh Jackman film, Real Steel re-cut so that it is merely “machine pornography”
  • Diplomatic Mission 14 Loses Chili Title, Vows to Erase Laura Adams from the “Very Tapestry of Space/Time Itself.”
  • Pintsized Robot Gets Dream Wedding on the Eve of Experimental Battery Transplant
  • Star Wars IV Rereleased: 16 minutes of additional footage featuring C-3PO and R2D2 Expanding on the Innate Goodness of Mankind and the 9th grade ancient history version of Polybius theory of mixed constitutions; All other scenes deleted and replaced by a picture of a baby while sweeping orchestral music plays in the background… if you listen closely, you can hear the sound of John Williams weeping quietly to himself
  • Diplomatic Mission 14 Successfully Defends Chili Title
  • Presidential hopeful tx1000 drops out of race after questions arise surrounding his immigration status
  • Zombie Sightings: Your crazed neighbor is stocking up on canned spinach and guns, should you?
  • Yes.  Yes You Should.
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