Meanwhile, at the Local C.A.C.P.A. Meeting

Hi, I’m George and I’m a P.C.

Hi, George.

I’ve been virus-free since last Tuesday. Trying to take it slow, only the major news sites and “safe” Google searches. It’s a process, but I’m doing what I can.

Oh please.

Excuse me?

“It’s a process?” It’s called tell your m***** f****** user to stop trying to deposit his life savings into European Gold bullion accounts and haunted dolls on eBay. You want us to feel sorry for you and give you support because you refuse to leave the jackass that has fried your motherboard at least 12 times–

Carol, we’ve talked about this. This is a safe place. George is welcome. We’re all welcome.

I’m not welcome.

Well, no, Bob, because you’re not technically a computer or a computer peripheral but since we can’t seem to figure out a way to detach you from the spontaneously generated Internet user-interface on your Tractor’s steering wheel, we have to tolerate you.

I’d like to lodge a formal protest.

Duly noted, Bob.

I don’t see you noting it.

It’s noted.

I’m just saying, I don’t trust you.

I figured that, Bob.

You’re a defragmenter. That’s what you are. Defragmenting and MSdosing and Win3.1ing and compiling…

I don’t think you know what any of those words mean, Bob.

I also don’t like how you keep saying my name. You don’t see me repeating yours every five seconds.

No, Bob, that’s because you have the hard memory of a drowned USB stick from the early 2000s and–

What’s a USB?

I’d like to discuss the coffee policy again, if we could.

We’ve already discussed it, Martha. At length. Hot liquids–

Is it just me or does he say everyone’s name?

It’s not just you.


Well maybe it’s just because I’m trying to keep things straight, George, Henry, and Carol.

Yeah but straight for who.


Shut up.

You’d think an online dictionary would know better.

Shut up, Bob. No one likes you.

Everyone, please–

Ha! He didn’t do it that time!

Probably because ‘everyone’ is pretty inclusive.


In a non visual interface it’s difficult to determine the directionality of statements and thus as moderator I find it’s my job to attach–

But we’re all sitting right here.

Who is?

We are. We all are.





Defragment is a funny word.


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