Excerpts from the Standard Employment Contracts of 2012

“made as of the ___ day before 1 Alautun”

“a company incorporated pursuant to the laws of the Free Republic of the Province Territory hereafter known as Colorodansasisland New.”

“The parties hereto agree that the initial (6) month period of this agreement is “probationary” in the following respects:

a.  the Employer makes no guarantees as to the health and likely survival of his company

b.  the Employer makes no guarantees as to the health and likely survival of his planet

c.  the Employer makes no guarantees as to the health and likely forebearance of the Mayan Calendar, longcount, the Gregorian conspiracy, or the Supreme Court’s decision on the Affordable Care Act

d.  the Empoyee promises to get his mole looked at.”

“the Employer may terminate the employment of the Employee at any time:

a.  for just cause under the Geneva Convention provided notice is sent to both parties by certified mail of a petition before the European Court of Human Rights

b.  If the European Court of Human Rights is not in session, if they no longer take petitions, if in fact the judicial process referred to in this agreement is a mistake in both fact and law, then the parties agree to elect the private arbitration clause.”

“Employees are responsible for their own incandescent lightbulbs.”

“Employees are responsible for their own nuclear reactors.”

“Each paragraph of this agreement shall be and remain separate from and independent of and severable from all and any other paragraphs herein except where otherwise indicated by the context of the agreement. The decision or declaration that one or more of the paragraphs are null and void shall have no effect on the remaining paragraphs of this agreement.”

“The preceding paragraph is null and void.”

 

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