High-Ranking Official Admits: UN Encourgaed Invasion

by Abe Newman

A high-ranking official at the United Nations, who asked not to be named due to the delicate nature of the information, has admitted that the UN encouraged the alien invasion in an effort to unite the fractured governments of the world. Taking the advice of political realists and abandoning their traditional adherence to institutionalism, the UN secretly fed information to the alien overlords about Earth’s defenses and nuclear programs.

The anonymous official admits that the UN assumed that the world would unite against a common external threat, and that they could count on the United States to fight off the bad guys if all else failed.

“It worked in all the movies,” the official explained. “Haven’t you ever seen an inspiring science fiction film where white people and Will Smith save the world and unite us in a common fight against extraterrestrials? How were we supposed to know it wouldn’t actually work out that way?”

Though the United States did lead the resistance against the aliens, as it has traditionally led the resistance against the international community, the fractured Republican party could not form a Tea Party / Old School coalition, and nobody wanted to pay enough taxes to get anything done. The Democrats, as expected, could only succeed in snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

And now, here we are. A world divided against itself, separated into camps of collaborators and resistance fighters, while the massive ships of our gracious “protectors” glide across the sky. But hey, at least we have multi-national resistance camps!


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